this morning i had my first appointment with my new psychologist. i'm not a morning person at the best of times so was twenty minutes late for my 9am session..this is how it went.
dr encel: so what brings you to me, r?
me: i'm depressed..and i don't even know why anymore.
dr encel: i see. how long have you been depressed for?
me: for as long as i can remember.
dr encel: hmm..what do you want me to help you achieve?
me: i want to feel alive again.
dr encel: self-destructive behaviour?
me: yes.
dr encel: such as?
me: binge drinking, cutting, reckless spending, restricting food.
dr encel: drug use?
me: sometimes.
dr encel: have you experienced any significant trauma in the past?
me: yes, my entire childhood was traumatic.
...
dr encel: how do you feel right now?
me: i feel like my body is here, but i don't exist.
so here it goes again, rattling off my problems to some stranger in the hope that he can reach some sort of conclusion about why i feel the way i do and maybe even 'fix' me. i'm not holding my breathe, but at least he was nice, i'll give him that.
Found your blog via Vogue :-)
ReplyDeleteKeep positive! I have been there and am constantly fighting from going back there again.
thanks :)
ReplyDeletei just read your posts and can very much relate to what you're going through at the moment. i have a job but get so few shifts i may as well be unemployed and likewise, never seem to get as little as an interview for other postions i've applied for. frustrating.
Sure is frustrating!! Hope our luck changes soon :-)
ReplyDelete