the other day my mum rang and asked how i was doing, 'fine' i responded, and for once i actually meant it. despite the odd down day here and there, i've generally been feeling okay...and it scares me shitless.
i've spent the better part of ten years suffering from depression and the rest of my life being surrounded by family members with it. without sounding too melodramatic, i guess you could say a life without depression, a life without meds and therapists, darkness and despair is completely foreign to me. part of me feels scared to recover from depression completely...it's what i have grown to know, it's all i know. as much as i hate it, without the depression possessing my body i feel that i wouldn't know who i am anymore.
wack.
:( I felt the exact same way when first recovering from my eating disorder.
ReplyDeleteYour illness does not define you. Although this is foreign to you now at the moment, soon it will become more familiar, and you will start to learn more about yourself.
Keep fighting. Although it's hard now, it will definitely be worth it.
Keep kicking on. I think the beauty of sadness is that it helps one to appreciate happiness. BTW, Prozac Nation - epic flick!
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