contemplations.

to be honest (and i don't intend to alarm anyone), sometimes the urge to end this hellish existence i call a 'life' is so strong that it scares me. some days it takes everything i have as a human being to muster up the strength to see through another day. one of my greatest fears is that i'll spend the rest of my time on this earth continuously warding off mental illness. plunging into the depths of despair, only to rise to the surface and be struck back down again. caught in an endless cycle. when i dwell on this notion, my future not only seems bleak but incredibly tiresome.

when i'm thinking/feeling like this i try to remind myself of the many reasons i have to live. off the top of my head: the preservation of my self-worth. being blessed with a loving and supportive family. the oppurtunity to improve my wellbeing. realising that there's people battling greater hardships than myself , to find purpose and meaning in life. to seek inner peace and happiness. to travel the world. to fall in love. to chase my dreams. to be creative. to acquire knowledge and wisdom. to see, taste and experience all the good things life has to offer despite the dark cloud that looms above me.

trying to challange my negative cognitions and replace them with more positive ones.