these photos of me were both taken last september just before i got sick.
the first was taken before one of my shifts at jigsaw. the second was taken one night out with two of my good friends, T and A. when i look at myself in these photos i feel like i don't even recognise this girl anymore. she seems so elusive now...a ghost...a mere memory of a past life.
i desperately miss the old me.
the me that worked like most other people my age, the me that studied to shape a career, the me that was social and had a lot of friends, the me that wasn't exactly 'high on life' but wasn't living in a nightmare either, the me that was independent and self-sufficient, the me that smiled and laughed more... the me that wasn't completely debilitated by depression and anxiety.
i miss this rhiannon and i hope and pray daily that somehow i'll be able to find her again...surely she must still exist somewhere deep inside of me, right?
i apologise for the depressing post...i guess i'm feeling a bit crap today.
i apologise for the depressing post...i guess i'm feeling a bit crap today.
Aww hun.
ReplyDeleteI love the top you're wearing in that first photo.
The 'new' you will be so much better than the 'old' you. Because not only will she be able to do everything you did before (and listed above) but she will be a much stronger person for everything she's been through.
That may not seem like it will be worth very much, but I think you'll be able to appreciate the carefree days more because of it.
Thinking of you, always.
xx
thanks so much for your encouragement beautiful, it means so much to me and i'm so grateful to have you in my life.
Deletethat top is a jigsaw one, always a sucker for leopard print :)
xxx
Hey Rhiannon,
ReplyDeleteI want to thank you for your lovely comment on my blog
I left you a reply so I won't write it out again here
I'd love to stay in touch though as we seem to have a lot in common
I can relate a lot to this post
I have a photo taking of me a few years ago
I look happy and healthy and I want to get back there
I keep it in my room for motivation
You are stronger than you know and you will get back to the Rhiannon that you remember.
Be gentle with yourself
Take baby steps and they will all add up to be giant leaps
Don't let your illness take any more than it already has
And can I just say WOW, you are beautiful girl!
Feel free to contact me at any time
Love Ruby x
naww thanks so much for your kind words ruby, you are also beautiful!!
Deletehopefully we can both get back to the 'old us' in our photos sooner rather than later.
i'd also love to stay in touch, as i agree we seem to have a fair bit in common (which is both unfortunate and comforting at the same time).
thanks again lovely. you are stronger than you realise too and a real inspiration.
sending you love xx
p.s i hope you don't mind that i borrowed your blog title for this post- it just seemed so fitting :) x
Deleteshe definitely still exists inside you lovely! You are YOU and the illness is just a small part of you, the 'old' you is still there and she will shine through when she is ready and you overcome this time in your life. You've been through an absolute shitload in the last year and you're so strong. Much love xxx
ReplyDeleteaw kirryn, thanks so much for this uplifting comment. i think a lot of the time i forget that i am still me and the illness doesn't define who i am, so thanks for reminding me of that :) like michaela, i'm so stoked to have *met* such an awesome girl like yourself! much love right back at ya xxx
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