this shit isn't meant to happen.

continuing my new years bender i had some friends over last night. S and J are my age, but they're married, and J brought along his mate B (who i'd never met before). S and J have been married for about 4 months and i've never had a problem with J, he's always seemed like a decent, faithful kind of guy and my girlfriend S is super stoked to be his wife. naturally i'm happy for them.

so we're sitting around at mine drinking, smoking, listening to music and talking shit. two trips to the bottle-o and a few pills later and we're well on our way to being fucked. feeling down and out about T being all distant and douche like of late i start sooking that he's probably off with skinny bitch (the other girl). for a few moments J and i are alone and he proceeds to tell me how gorgeous i am, not in a sleazy way though, in a gentle, sweet kind of manner i suppose. feeling a little awkward i brush it off and quickly change the subject.

fast forward a couple of hours. B and i are in my bed, he's spooning the shit out of me and i'm really not feeling it. at this point my stomach is turning something chronic and i'm wanting to either hurl or go to sleep. J and S are laying on a mattress on the floor together next to my bed- J is on the side closest to me. my hand is resting on the edge of my bed and my knee is sort of bent outwards. next thing i know i feel J's hand reach up and begin stroking my face..then he fumbles around in the darkness searching for my hand. he grabs it and brushes it lightly then intertwines his fingers with mine so we're holding hands. the whole scenario is reminiscent of being on a first date at the movies at age 15, except there's something really wrong about this- his wife, one of my closest friends in less than half a metre away. dazed and confused, i pull away. he gets the hint for a second then fumbles around again, this time in search of my inner thigh. he ever so gently strokes my bare skin while i have B behind me trying to get his freak on.

my stomach is doing summersaults, and not at all in a good way. i don't understand what's going on here and start missing T again. all at once i dash to the bathroom and vomit.

i dunno if J was making moves because he was fucked which led to him being temporarily delirious or what, but i'm not down for that shit, especially when my friend's marriage is at stake. as for B, well, i won't be seeing him again.