future music.

so i got talked into going to future music yesterday. the 'pre-anxiety' me used to hang out for summer just for all the festivals and the oppurtunity to get shit faced..obviously i'm not like that anymore, which is probably a good thing. i was hugely apprehensive about going as right now i honestly couldn't think of anything more anxiety provoking than being stuck amongst thousands of drunk/drugged people in a loud, chaotic environment whilst totally sober. the 'what ifs' also kicked in..what if i have a panic attack? what if i can't escape? what if people think i'm crazy? despite all this mind chatter, i bit the bullet, purchased a ticket and went..and surprisingly had a pretty good day with minimal anxiety. i had xanax in my pocket in case things turned disastrous but didn't need to take any in the end. i suppose this scenario was one of those 'pushing the boundaries' type tests which demonstrated to me that much of the time the anticipatory anxiety leading up to an event is actually worse than the anxiety i experience at the event itself. just one of the many ways my mind tries to sabotage me.

i love it when i catch a glimpse of the 'old' me..when i actually feel semi-normal and temporarily free from the grip of mental illness. this moment came to me while watching chase & status perform, and the wombats, and then again while watching die antwoord go crazy on stage. for a short while everything felt familiar, and it was amazing.

this photo of T and i was taken at about 9pm after a very long, hot and dusty day..hence looking a bit blah! please ignore the douche in the background.