whatever forever.

yes, it's been a while...and for the most part i've been too busy to post. 

2013 has definitely been a 'get-my-life-back-on-track-post-illness' kind of year and i can finally say with confidence that i'm feeling 100% better than i was eighteen months ago. 

meds have played a huge role in my recovery and unfortunately i'm still reliant upon them. i'm not sure when i'll decide to wean myself off as i'm terrified i'll be paralyzed by depression and anxiety again once i'm clean. 

on the contrary, i've gone from seeing my psychologist + psychiatrist weekly for months on end to an appointment every few months which i suppose is an indicator of how much stronger i'm feeling. furthermore, i can't remember the last time i weighed myself- in fact i don't even own a set of scales anymore. i figure as long as my clothes still fit i shouldn't spend so many hours per day obsessing over the number the scales read. 

on reflection, reaching a point of stability (although fucking hard) probably wasn't the hardest part of my journey because in the meantime i was completely dependent upon my family, medical team and B to nurture and be responsible for me. once 'stable' returning back into the real world and re-building my former life proved to be the real challenge and also extremely scary as it required me to stand on my own two feet and be completely independent again.
simple tasks like regaining employment, sitting in a tutorial with a class full of students and going grocery shopping all seemed completely foreign to me as i'd spent so long functioning like a child.

in light of the above, let me introduce my current self.

my name is rhiannon.
i'm twenty- five years old.
i'm a part time uni student completing my masters in counselling and psychotherapy.
i live in my old apartment in the city i moved to at eighteen to establish my own life.
i now live with B after spending years living solo.
i have a part time job at a renowned, local homewares/ gift store as the website/ social media gurl which i love.
i'm still just as obsessed with fashion as i've always been.
i enjoy creating, exploring and thinking outside the square.
i'm still a sucker for pretty things, but not so much for getting so fucked up that i don't remember my name.

and probably the most exciting news to report; in exactly four weeks i'll be the mother of this sweet little girl, willow.

i'll try and post regularly again in the new year, however you're highly likely to see more action from me via my instagram account @rhiannon_skye, which has become, in a way, a 'mini-blog'.

x

witchcraft.

inspired by the new mania mania (babylon) + pamela love (illumanis) collections- so in love! 

woodland.

one of my favourite things to do on a weekend these days is jumping in the car and driving to some remote location to explore. there is something just so magical about being out in nature during winter. yesterday B and i did just that and took a few snaps too. as you can see i'm trying to embrace my naturally pale skin...paired with a dark, plum lip i think i can kind of pull it off without looking too deathly. in addition to climbing trees, basking in the hazy sunlight and picking wild flowers i love seeking out cool little vintage/ second hand stores and cafes that serve amazing coffee/ tea...whatever i'm in the mood for. happy first of july nostalgics! 

alexandra valenti.

just some procrastination from uni assignments...i'm totally in awe/love with the work of artist/ photographer alexandra valenti. 

flowerchild.

so i bought this stunning flower crown from CJS a couple of months ago. these beauties are handmade by byron bay local charlotte julia stone. 

this photo was taken one warm afternoon whilst B and i were exploring a hidden, overgrown spot in my hometown. although it is impractical for everyday wear i'm still so in love with it.

winter warmers.

i'm not sure about other states but the cold, crisp winter weather is definitely beginning to set in here in adelaide so i thought i'd share with you some of my favourite recent purchases to combat the chills! 

senso benny 1 boots

sass and bide the dark cloud zippora jeans

shakuhachi gypsy sweater dress (i'm yet to get a photo of myself in this baby) 

seed fur trim anorak (same deal with this)

aaand totally weather inappropriate, but just because i can't get enough of  leopard print or vampy shades of purple/maroon lippy...

sass and bide age of love bralette + mac hang up lipstick 

...or stripes. striped short/ long sleeve tees are literally taking over my wardrobe! 

seed striped primetime linen tee

i'll be okay...just not today.

i have a bad habit of abandoning this blog when i feel like i'm doing 'okay' in life and i feel terribly guilty for this. blogging combined with the unwavering support of my followers has always given me the strength to see through another day/ week/month when i've been on the verge of admitting defeat, therefore i feel disappointed in myself for not continuing to write even when my health has somewhat improved.

i suppose the truth is i've been feeling relatively well over the last few months...as well as can be having my brain chemistry anyway, and instead of spending days on end wallowing in depression/ writing about how shitty i feel i've actually been out in the world living (a major accomplishment for anyone who has been following my journey over the past 18 months). 

'living' or 're-building' myself has consisted of the following: 

enrolling in uni again part-time to continue my masters in counselling and psychotherapy that i had to defer last year.

starting a little 'business' selling my dream catchers. 

socialising with old friends and attending birthdays/ other events instead of declining every invitation that comes my way. 

living in my own place again/ trying to be independent. 

applying for jobs. 

the last week though i've crashed, and quite unexpectedly at that. i knew it would be difficult trying to reclaim my old life after being in a warped reality for such a long period of time, however i thought i had adequately prepared myself for the hurdles i'd have to overcome. as i mentioned, i've been applying for jobs recently as i finally feel stable enough to return to employment...i know that these days landing a job, even a retail job at that isn't always easy, however i didn't quite prepare myself for the battering my fragile ego would cop from being rejected by potential employers. 

i've had a couple of interviews which haven't been successful for a couple of reasons.

a)  i become so anxious when i know i'm required to impress a manager/ sell myself that my brain totally freezes and anything constructive i had planned to say evaporates in my head. 

b) the fact i haven't been employed for eighteen months due to (mental) illness is pretty unappealing despite my experience prior to quitting my last job and the fact i have a psychology degree under my belt. 

c) when i'm agitated i come across as aloof and cold which is the total opposite of my actual personality if i was feeling calm. i have considered dosing myself up on valium before an interview to ease my anxiety, however i'd probably come across as a complete space cadet then and i don't know what is worse! 

after a couple of knock backs the little self-confidence i had built up took a nose dive and my optimism started to fade. combine this with a few consecutive low days and my old friend depression is perched back on my shoulder whispering those self-loathing sentiments in my ear again. 

i ran into my old manager the other day and she offered me my job back at jigsaw, however i really feel like it is important for me to start fresh somewhere...although i suppose beggars can't be choosy can they.